Wednesday, September 22, 2010

S l o w

Man, I hate going slow.

And that goes for just about anything/everything (well, maybe not sex...), but especially driving. In my mind, every road is an Autobahn and every trip is a race that I need to complete in a certain amount of time. If you are in front of me and, God forbid, impeding my progress, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY. I have things to do. Unlike you my Q-tiperiffic, senior citizen friend or you, ridiculous, self-absorbed lady with the cell phone glued to her ear, who appear to have nowhere to go and all day to get there. I also think that there should be special roadways constructed for buses, trucks, caravans, RV's and other slug-like vehicles that always seem to congest the highways that I am traversing. There's a special circle of Hell reserved for all these offenders and their unique torture would be to plant a kiss on Satan's shiny, red hiney for every precious second of my time they have wasted.

I know that there are stiff fines and penalties in most states nowadays for driving while texting or talking on the phone. But, as far as I know, no city, state, country or otherwise has anything on the books in regard to "over-age" driving and there damn well should be. You can say I'm prejudiced, or it's ageism, or what-the-fuck-ever but the simple fact of the matter is that when you get older your eyesight, your depth perception and your hand-eye coordination rapidly decline. Aren't those three things incredibly important when you are driving? Yes. Yes, they are.

My solution to this matter would be that every licensed driver over the age of 65 would have to take a driving test every year and if they pass, no worries. Keep on truckin', gramps. But, if they fail, then their licence is revoked (such a great word...) for 3 months, after which they can take the test again. If they fail again, well then, the license goes bye-bye and suitable public transportation accommodations would have to be made. I  know it sounds harsh at first blush, but seriously think about it for a few minutes and I'm sure that you'll find that I ain't just whistlin' Dixie here...

One final thing to mention in regard to my speediness is that I think I put people off because of it. I move fast, I think fast and I talk fast. This has its advantages, to be sure, but I can also appear brusque to those who don't know me when ( I think) I'm simply being efficient, or like a "know it all" when I excitedly interject my thoughts or opinions in a conversation. Believe me, I mean nothing by any of's just who I am. I always have been that way; always will be, it seems.

And I'm OK with that.

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